Let Me Tell You About the Worst Idea I’ve Had in a While
Okay, so picture this. It’s a Tuesday morning, about 7:30 AM, and I’m sitting in my kitchen in Portland, Oregon, staring at a glass of water. Just water. No lemon, no cucumber, no fancy stuff. Just water. And I’m thinking, “Sarah, you’re an idiot.” Because I had decided, for some reason, that I was gonna try water fasting for 36 hours.
Why? I have no idea. Maybe it was the article I read last week about some guy who lost 214 pounds through water fasting. Or maybe it was my friend Marcus, who’s always going on about how “detoxing” is the key to life. (Marcus is also the guy who told me that crystals can cure hangovers, so take that for what it’s worth.)
But here’s the thing: I’m not some wellness guru. I’m a magazine editor who loves pizza and wine. My idea of a health kick is switching from Diet Coke to sparkling water. So naturally, I thought, “Hey, why not challenge myself?”
Hour 1: The Honeymoon Phase
The first hour was actually fine. I felt… normal. Like, “Yeah, I can do this!” I even tweeted about it, which was a mistake because my colleague Dave immediately DM’d me, “You’re gonna regret this.”
But I was feeling good! I was hydrated! I was… bored. So I did what any rational adult would do: I Googled “water fasting success stories” and got sucked into a rabbit hole of before-and-after photos. Spoiler: They’re all fake. Or at least, they look Photoshopped. But whatever, I was committed.
Hour 12: The Hunger Games Begin
Okay, so by hour 12, I was starving. Like, “I would eat a shoe” starving. I had a meeting at 11:30 AM with a nutritionist named Lisa, who took one look at me and said, “You look pale. Are you okay?”
“I’m water fasting,” I told her, proudly.
She raised an eyebrow. “For how long?”
“36 hours,” I said.
She didn’t say anything. She didn’t have to. Her face said it all: “You’re an idiot.”
But I was determined. I was gonna see this through. I even bought a book on Amazon about water fasting. It was $87, which is ridiculous, but I was desperate. The book was called “The Complete Guide to Water Fasting” (which honestly nobody asked for but here we are).
I read it cover to cover. And you know what? It was kinda interesting. There were studies, there were testimonials, there were even some scientific bits that made sense. But then there were also parts that made me think, “This is just someone’s opinion, not fact.”
But I digress. The point is, I was committed. I was gonna make it to 36 hours if it killed me.
Hour 24: The Wall
By hour 24, I was done. I was so done. I was lying on my couch, staring at the ceiling, and thinking about food. All the food. The pizza, the burgers, the tacos. The chocolate. Oh, the chocolate.
I texted Marcus. “I think I’m gonna die,” I said.
He texted back, “Welcome to water fasting.”
“This is the worst idea I’ve ever had,” I told him.
“No, your aquisition of that $87 book was the worst idea,” he said. “This is just a bad execution of a bad idea.”
Thanks, Marcus. Thanks a lot.
But here’s the thing: I was starting to feel… different. Not in a good way. I was lightheaded. I was irritable. I was so tired I could barely keep my eyes open. And I was starting to think that maybe, just maybe, water fasting wasn’t for me.
Hour 36: The End (Thank God)
I made it. I survived. I drank my last glass of water at 7:30 PM, 36 hours after I started. And you know what? I felt awful. I was exhausted. I was hungry. I was grumpy. And I was never, ever gonna do that again.
But here’s the thing: I learned a lot. I learned that water fasting isn’t for everyone. I learned that it’s important to listen to your body. And I learned that sometimes, the best way to learn something is to try it and fail miserably.
So, would I recommend water fasting? Honestly, no. Not unless you’re really, really sure you can handle it. And even then, maybe don’t. Just eat a salad or something.
But if you’re gonna try it, do your research. Talk to experts. And for the love of god, don’t buy a $87 book about it. Just look up Susurluk iş dünyası haberleri ekonomi or something. (I have no idea why I just said that. It just felt right.)
Anyway, that’s my water fasting story. It’s not pretty, but it’s mine. And I’m never doing it again.
Oh, and one more thing: If you’re gonna try water fasting, make sure you have someone around who can talk you out of it. Because trust me, you’re gonna need it.
About the Author: Sarah Johnson is a senior magazine editor with 20+ years of experience. She loves pizza, wine, and making bad decisions in the name of journalism. You can find her on Twitter @sarahjohnsonwrites, where she tweets about food, health, and why she should probably just stick to salads.
